“Thank you for having had the courtesy” -the letter said, using typical French past perfect rhetoric-, “to apply as a receptionist at our Hotel. However (and let me tell you that a 'however' in a job application always heralds the worst) there have been more than fifty applications received just today!” (With all and exclamation mark). “Sometimes, as you will understand, you have to deprive yourself of candidates of excellent quality but who, unfortunately, are not suitable for the position”.
And the most humiliating thing, the line scribbled a bit lower: “this is your case, and we don't want to delay in letting you know it. We hope you get the great career opportunity you deserve, sir. Best, Hotel Printania”.
That was the response to my résumé and cover letter. In any case, I must say that the "Printania" at least had the decency to write me a rejection letter. Because if you think I only applied for receptionist, let me correct you: I spent so much on envelopes, CV printing and stamps, that looking for a job almost threw me into extreme poverty. So well, Hotel "Printania" responded, and they even wrote my name on the letter, unlike a company I sent my CV to that sent me a rejection letter that said "Mr. ," just like that, space and comma, they didn't even have the decency to write my name to tell me they wouldn't hire me.
On the other hand, my strategy, although somewhat erratic, was based on a basic statistical principle: if I sent enough letters I would get a job. Because let's get something straight, my problem is not getting a job, it's getting money, which is very different. When you're studying, and you want a part-time job, you'll take anything as long as it allows you to earn the minimum you need. Your motivation is different. At the end of the day, who still believes in "decent work" and all that? It's not worth it to torture yourself or to spend energy if you’re just going to end up being a baggage carrier at the airport or the guy sweating his ass off in a Mickey suit at Disney. The process to follow is simple: eliminate all the pathetic jobs and send CVs to all the others, it doesn't matter if you have the skills to perform that job or not.
So I went to the "National Employment Agency" website and quickly eliminated all the horrible jobs: elderly caretaker, maid in a Hotel, night watchman, ambulance driver at night, Metro ticket controller, pasting posters in the Metro walls, refiller of automatic soft drink machines in the Metro, well, anything in the Metro to tell the truth; Turkish Kebab sandwich maker, babysitter, food delivery to supermarkets in the early morning, cashier in a XXX video store; that sort of thing. Well, let me tell you something: if you ever had any expectations towards the "National Employment Agency" (ANPE), give my method a try, because once you eliminate all those jobs, you will see that there are none left. The ANPE only serves to employ four or five people per ANPE office, that is, it gives jobs to the person who is there working as a secretary, watchman, sweeper, etc. So much so that I was not surprised to get a job offer in one of the offices I visited for a position as a clerk in the ANPE.
However, it got worse, I must admit, when I fell between the hands of something called "Job-etudiant.com". There, the most disconcerting thing were not the jobs, but the definition of "student" that could be derived from the work offered by a site supposedly dedicated to us. But hey, what was I going to do? Twenty days had passed and no one had contacted me, so I decided, in a fit of frustration, to fill out all the ads on the site for students. And lo and behold, I got a call… (Continued).
Written circa 2003.
Cashier in a XXX video store sounds fun. Your work experience after a year might turn into a best-seller. Just make sure you wear gloves. And a mask. And hand sanitizer. And a condom, just in case.