For Money Doth The Monkey Dance

Stop listening to what Oligarchs say, and watch what they do

In Spanish, we have a saying: Por la plata baila el mono, used when someone sells out. I didn’t want to address our Neoligarchs and their pettiness; but the idiocy around the actions of Musk and Zuckerberg in social media is driving me mad.

Guys: these people don’t have an ideology. They don’t have a credo. They’re intellectual idiots who know a lot about things money-related and absolutely nothing about human beings or life in general. They will twist and turn and tie themselves into knots trying to justify their rapacious tendencies, which is all they care about (insert your favorite quote from the movie Wall Street, here).

Any first-year philosophy student sitting in a class about free speech, or even a class about Hannah Arendt’s distinction between the public and the private spheres, can explain how boneheaded Musk’s idea of free speech is. No need to flog a dead horse: this point has been made, ad nauseum.

Enter Marky Mark Zuckerberg, as a guest on Rogan’s Podcast, looking like the third idiot brother in Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly’s Step Brothers. He yammers on about something-something freedom of expression and censorship, and all the internet throws a hissy fit, trying to understand “why” the guy who says he trains Jiujitsu yet never goes to a Jiujitsu dojo to spar with real people, has “changed his mind”.

“He used to be progressive”, some say. “What happened, why did he do a 180º?”. Why? I’ll tell you: Por la plata baila el mono.

Dance, Little Monkey!

If you’ve ever read Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead, you know the Libertarian tune: poor little architect Roark is misunderstood by the talentless masses trying to leech off his work and ideas. Whatever (cool novel, especially the rape scenes!). However, you’re a complete idiot if you think Roark represents either Musk or Zuckerberg. Let’s take ‘em down, one by one.

Marky Mark never invented anything: this much we can agree upon. He pretty much stole Facebook, then he bought Instagram and Whatsapp. I really don’t care: capitalism is about stealing shit, so if the idiot Winkelvoss twins got got, that’s the way it goes. It’s just millionaire kids playing stupid games within the confines of the law. Have at it, but don’t go around pretending like Zuck is some sort of genius, ‘cause he ain’t.

Do you know what Zuckerberg did create? The Metaverse. Remember that one? The quarter-of-a-trillion dollar project where you got turned into a strange Wii character roaming around a dystopian digital wasteland? How did that go, genius?

Let’s not even get started on Musk, the welfare queen who got bailed out by the taxpayers on every occasion possible, maintained Tesla afloat by selling green credits and is a subcontractor for NASA, a government company. What a Libertarian!

The reality is, little Muskito is just another mono dancing to the tune of all the dollars he can extract from the government. Let me illustrate: remember the Hyperloop? Remember that one? People were going to travel underground, in a sort of Eurostar tunnel that would take you all over California in minutes. What a genius idea! Except… Musk never intended to build the hyperloop in the first place. The “hyperloop” was just a cockamamie plan to derail what would have really been innovative and helpful to regular people: a normal, high-speed TRAIN that was scheduled to be built in California.

Do you know who hates trains? People who sell cars. So when monito Musk heard Cali was pouring millions into a project that would actually work, he bullshitted his way into getting money for his supposed hyperloop, instead. This is your hero? This is your Tony Stark?

Follow the money, you mono!

Enter I-do-Jiujitsu-alone guy, Zuckerberg. Stop wondering what his morals are (mono have no morals) or writing lengthy Substack posts about his views on freedom of expression (mono make money, mono no care about anything else).

The reality is this: Zuckerberg is a goddam oligarch robber baron who wants to avoid losing his companies in an antitrust lawsuit.

In 2020, during the first Trump administration, Meta was sued (rightfully so) when it acquired Whatsapp and Instagram. The lawsuit goes to court this year, so Marky Mark is just trying to avoid losing the only companies in Meta actually making money right now.

This ain’t about no fucking “values” (or maybe I missed the part in his Joe Rogan ass-kissing propaganda piece where he quoted Voltaire). This mono would say he likes Mao Ze Dong if it allowed him to buy TikTok off the Chinese government.

Still don’t believe me? Here’s another one: Why did Zuckerberg bring Dana White, CEO of the UFC, onto Meta’s board of directors? ‘Cause, y’know: nobody better than a 55-year-old white guy who spends his days watching people fight in a cage, to talk about social media in 2025.

Do you know what Dana White does know? He knows how to beat antitrust lawsuits. And he’s pals with Trump! So which one is it: is Dana White on the board because of his vision for the future of AI, Social Media and SEO Data mining, or is he on to protect Meta from losing the only companies that actually make money, which (what a coincidence) Zuckerberg didn’t create?

You be the judge. I suggest you put the Neoligarchs on mute and stop listening to their half-baked ideas on the free market (scoff) or freedom of speech (LOOOOL). These guys believe in nothing. They’re bigger nihilists than Friedrich fucking Nietzsche. They’re monkeys, and por la plata baila el mono.